“This is the Bridge”

Last night, around 1:15 am, the Crew Alert alarm went off, which is a continual ”ringing” of the alarm, actually a harsh electronic siren-thingy, jarring me and everyone else in the Crew area awake. Normally if there is a major issue the PA from the bridge would come on and the officer of the watch would request an “Assessment Part”, a pre-assigned group of officers that would go, investigate the situation, and contact the bridge where a plan of attack would be devised and announced. To go right to Crew Alert . . . Well, you stumble awake with visions of COSTA CONCORDIA in your head. As I was pulling on my jeans pondering our immediate future and thinking, “This is going to be interesting”, the Bridge came on announcing a “system malfunction” and telling us to go back to what we were doing, most, although not all of us sleeping.

This morning is Barcelona, one of my all-time favorite cities in Europe. I’m on tour starting with a 75-minute drive around Barcelona looking at the sites, stopping at Antonio Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia for a photo stop, and then a 1.5 hour drive to Montserrat, a mountainside old Benedictine Monastery. Nikki was out here on a previous cruise and loved it, but this will be my first visit. I’ll tell you about it in a later blog.

But let me tell you about Barcelona . . . and fortunately when I come back in July to join the RUBY PRINCESS, we will be in and out of Barcelona for several months, so I will have lots of opportunity to explore.

Barcelona is a fun, friendly, busy, at-times whimsical, liberal and exciting Spanish city, with a population of around 1.7 million and a metropolitan area of around 5 million. Spain, like much of Europe and the world (with Panama being a notable exception) is in a major financial crisis. Unemployment hovers around 24%, but amongst young people it’s almost 50%.

Originally Barcelona was a Phoenician then Greek trading outpost. The city was founded in 1104 BC and is the oldest, continuously-inhabited city in the Iberian Peninsula and possibly SW Europe.

A Up on Montjuic Mountain there is a beautiful public park known with this statue of people dancing the traditional Catalonia dance along with fantastic views of the city and the port. This statue for me best reflects the exuberance, joy and freedom of Barcelona.

Barcelona was a thriving city in Medieval times and part of that ancient city remains. There is a spectacular Gothic cathedral dedicated to the co-patron saint of Barcelona, a young 13-year old virgin who was martyred. The tradition is that she was forced to parade through the street naked to her martyrdom but a miraculous early spring snowstorm came to cover he nakedness. This is probably the only church in the world that keeps geese in the church – 13 white geese symbolizing the young woman’s age and the miracle of the snow to protect her nakedness.

The Gothic Quarter is filled with odd Gothic elements, gargoyles, ancient buildings, and this marvelous bridge. The Gothic Quarter is within walking distance for most people. Midway up La Rambla your turn left and start winding through the ancient streets of the Gothic Quarter.

La Rambla is one of the most exciting streets in Europe. In the center you will find flower markets, bird sellers, street entertainers of all kinds and a generally festive atmosphere characteristic of Barcelona. About halfway up, on the left, is La Boqueria Market which has been the marketplace of Barcelona since the early 1200s. The present building was built in the middle of the 19th century. The market is filled with flowers, fruit, fish, meats, and explosion of color and flavor. There are stalls where you can purchase lunch and it is one of the experiences not-to-be-missed in Barcelona.

Next blog I’ll talk about Antoni Gaudi and the marvelous Sagrada Familia the iconic building of Barcelona.

Now it’s time to go ashore and meet my tour for the day. This has been a busy, busy contract and I haven’t had time personally to really explore the ship or enjoy what it has to offer. Rebecca, my daughter, comes to join me in June and when she does I intend to carve out time to play passenger and lay in the sun (now that we have sun), see the shows, and eat in the dining venues.


Monetizing: Faith, Mysticism or Superstition

So with Facebook going public, and all the fuss, the question is if Facebook is just another late-bloomer of the “Internet bubble”, or will actually produce money. There’s the rub. You can put all the effort, money and time (and of course outside of Panama, time IS money) into a project but if at the end of the day there is no way to monetize it, what’s the value? So every great application, like Facebook and BTW like WordPress, is looking for ways to monetize. As am I. I’ve now written over 1,000 posts to my blog and it is challenging and time consuming, so . . . WordPress has asked me to help them Beta-test advertising on WordPress blogs. That’s why you’ll see an ad popping up on my blog. ONE ad and they’ve promised they will be tasteful and appropriate, so don’t look for Viagra ads or ads to enhance your breasts or penis. We’ll see how it goes.

Relics in the Cathedral at Cadiz, Spain

But, speaking of monetizing . . . and my post the other day about Santiago de Compestela brought his to mind . . . how about monetizing faith? And is it faith, or just mysticism or superstition?

In case you missed it according to the Santiago de Compestela legend the Apostle James brought Christianity to the Iberian Peninsula, then was beheaded in Jerusalem in 44 AD and his remains were brought to Galicia for burial. Conveniently in 813, guided by a bright star, a shepherd found the burial at Santiago de Compestela and took them to the Bishop of Santiago who declared them to be the remains of St. James and worthy of veneration and the industry of Santiago de Compestela and walking “The Way of St. James” was off and running. Kind of a middle ages version of televangelists like Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert and Robert Schuller begging for money on television and sending trinkets in return, or the stores of the Vatican selling rosaries and mass-produced “Papal Blessings”, or the multibillion dollar Israeli tourism industry of Christians visiting “traditional” (that marvelous theological term of religious tourism) Christian sites.

St. James was good business for Santiago right from the start with 200,000 to 2 MILLION pilgrims a year trekking across Europe to visit the church and the relics of St. James. Hopefully all of you have either read PILLARS OF THE EARTH or seen the TV miniseries. You’ll recall that after the still-under-construction cathedral burns that the original skull of the saint is destroyed and the priest chooses to replace it with any old skull without telling anyone. That priest understood what I learned from Dr. John Piet in seminary: “History as a living fact consists not so much in what actually happened as in what people believe to have happened.” There you have it.

Thorn relic: a thorn from the Crown of Thorns worn by Jesus, now in the museum of the Cathedral in Cadiz, Spain

So at Santiago de Compestela you have the reputed relics of St. James. A relic is a body part of saint or venerated person, or an ancient religious object preserved for veneration as a tangible memorial. Everyone has them: Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shamanism & others. The word “relic” comes from Latin meaning “something left behind” so a reliquary is a shrine for housing relics. And if you visit the Treasury of any church in Europe you will find loads of relics: pieces of Saints (poor folks who because of their good deeds in life have never been allowed to rest in peace, pieces of the “original” cross (I suppose as opposed to Made-in-China copies), and even the spear that pierced the side of Jesus. (Actually there are at least three genuine spears. Must be a miracle!)

The most unusual relic: the Holy Foreskin of Jesus. I kid you not! Obviously, being Jewish, Jesus was “cut”. The Holy Foreskin of Christ first made an appearance in medieval Europe around 800 when King Charlemagne presented it as a gift to Pope Leo III. Charlemagne said it had been given to him by an angel. However, rival foreskins soon began to pop up all over Europe. All told, twenty-one different churches claimed to have the Holy Foreskin, often at the same time. Various miraculous powers were attributed to these foreskins. In particular, they were supposed to be able to protect women during childbirth.

Given the glut of Holy Foreskins, churches made efforts to have their foreskin authenticated by Church leaders as the sole genuine article. In the early 12th century, the monks of San Giovanni in Laterano, Rome asked Pope Innocent III to rule on the authenticity of their foreskin, but he declined to do so. Later, the monks of Charroux claimed their foreskin (well, not “theirs” personally, but the one they had in the reliquary) to be the only real one, pointing out that it apparently yielded drops of blood. This convinced Pope Clement VII (1523-1534) who declared theirs to be the authentic thing.

However, the Church eventually sought to extract itself from the Holy Foreskin controversy and adopted the view that all the rival foreskins were frauds. In 1900 it made it a crime punishable by excommunication to write or speak about the Holy Foreskin.

Some medieval theologians argued that all the Holy Foreskins necessarily had to be frauds since the actual Holy Foreskin had, they asserted, ascended into Heaven with Christ. The 17th century theologian Leo Allatius speculated that the holy foreskin had not only ascended into heaven at the same time as Jesus, and had become the rings of Saturn. Now you know.

The contemporary Roman Catholic Church has not been silent about all this. In 2010 Vatican theologian & Biblical scholar, Monsignor Pietro Principe, warned that veneration of relics risks replacing authentic faith with irrational superstition declaring that the object of adoration must remain God, not the saint. This is a tough sell for a church that has established a cult of Mary in which Mary is seen as the way to God vs. direct access. This concern with superstition is not new because already in 1545 at the Council of Trent the church declared, “Since holy martyrs and saints are now living with Christ and will be raised by Him to eternal life . . . veneration and honor are not due to the relics of the saints . . . And places dedicated to the memories of the saints are in vain visited with the view of obtaining their aid, are wholly to be condemned, as the Church has already long since condemned”.

Along The Way

In the movie THE WAY, Martin Sheen plays Tom, an irascible American doctor who comes to France to deal with the tragic loss of his son (played by Emilio Estevez). Rather than return home, Tom decides to embark on the historical pilgrimage “The Way of St. James” to honor his son’s desire to finish the journey. What Tom doesn’t plan on is the profound impact this trip will have on him. Today 100,000 pilgrims a year still follow “The Way of St. James” from France into Spain and one of the highlights of their pilgrimage is to visit the magnificent cathedral in Santiago de Compostela, about 1.5 hours from the port of Vigo, Spain.

 In the middle ages anywhere from 500,000 to 2,000,000 visitors a year poured into northwestern Spain. Many who came were guided en route by what is considered to be the world’s first travel guidebook written in 1130 by a French monk. Not everyone could make the almost impossible pilgrimage to the Holy Land so for many Europeans the trip to Santiago was a possible alternative. The distinctive pilgrim garb was a simple hat and a shell. Visit Santiago de Compostela today and you will see, in addition to the tourists, pilgrims by the scores with their hiking shoes and backpacks who are walking “The Way of St James”.

 So, what’s the fuss? According to tradition (that marvelous word that covers a multitude of religious tourism sites around the world, and perhaps a multitude of related sins as well) Apostle James brought Christianity to the Iberian Peninsula then was beheaded in Jerusalem in 44 AD. Here’s where the legend gets interesting, and perhaps a bit dubious. The legend that the remains of the Apostle James were brought to Galicia for burial in an anonymous field. In 813, guided by a bright star no less, a shepherd found the burial of St. James at Santiago de Compestela The shepherd took the story and the bones to the Bishop, who recognized opportunity when it came knocking. The declared the bones to be the remains of the Apostle James and built a church. Reportedly miraculous events started occurred as a result of people praying to the bones of St. James.

 Pilgrims, religious tourists with money, started flocking to Santiago de Compestela and as many as 2 MILLION people a year hiked across Europe (without benefit of tour buses) to make a pilgrimage to the town. The present church constructed 1075-1128. The mystical attraction is to climb up above the high altar where there is a quirky-looking silver statue of St. James, place your hands on his shoulders, and make a prayer or a wish. I made mine, but if it happens it will be God above, not St. James or a silly-looking statue that gets the credit. (I go direct!) But anyhow the church is still a big tourist attraction for everyone from pilgrims to popes.

The inside of the church is impressive without a doubt! And I got to attend a service – standing room only by the way – with the music of the giant organ thundering and rolling through the stone arches. So how does any church, even a church with the relics of St. James, get a standing room only crowd of tourists and locals? Well, as the early churchmen discovered (and fellows like Robert Schuller tried to copy in more recent years) you’ve got to add some zing. Some flash! Some pizzazz! And they found it in Santiago de Compestela in the form of a giant incense burner which at the end of each service, “representing the prayers of Santiago de Compestela”, is filled with incense, set afire, hosted and then swung from the top of the cathedral back and forth soaring of the heads of the awe-struck congregation! It is impressive and quite a show!

Bouncing Around

It’s 3:30 AM and I’m giving up on sleeping since the ship is bouncing around too much.

Ships move, even big ones like GRAND PRINCESS. Most cruise ships pull in the stabilizers at night since they create drag and cause the ship to use more fuel and with tight margins and high fuel costs, and since most folks are nestled in their beds and not walking around it works. Through the years I’ve spent lots of time on ships, and now, generally half of the year. The motion of the ocean really doesn’t bother me. In fact when it gets really rough it gives me a kind of high. The roughest I can remember was on the old TS HAMBURG that later became the Russian MAXI GORKI that was tiny by today’s standards. The way the stairwells were designed, when it was rough you could run down the stairs, hang on to the railing at the mid level as you turned the corner, and if you timed it right experience weightlessness. Cool!

If you lay face down in your bed, and your bed is positioned front to back and the ship is rolling and you time your breathing with the roll it’s a fantastic feeling like someone is actually pushing you down into the bed, then a brief moment of weightlessness . . . and it puts me right to sleep.

But there are times, like tonight, when it is just banging around. Sometimes you can wedge yourself into bed with pillows so you don’t keep rolling and waking up, sometimes not. Tonight it’s more the banging on occasional swells that’s keeping me up . . . or was it too much caffeine . . . or struggling to get everything to work in harmony with putting out new editions of my books? Anyway, I just get up and try and get online hoping that the rest of the ship is sleeping and not trying to use the Internet.

One of the nice things about Princess is that we have a 24 hour Continental Café in the Piazza that has coffee and tea, food, pastries and light breakfast rolls and other selections, plus the crew Coke machine is only one deck up.

So I’m up now but will probably crash and burn after my lecture this morning. Oh well. Today is the last day of this cruise and tomorrow is turn around day in Southampton. I have a few things to work on for next cruise, plus trying to get my books finished and I have to get a haircut tonight. The barber shops on the M1 [the Main Street of the crew area that runs from one end of the ship to the other] open up around 8 pm. These are just guys who have electric clippers who sit you down in a chair beside the traffic and cut your hair for $5 to $10. There is a whole world behind those doors that say “Crew Only”. The other night I had one of the guys who moon lights giving massages come up and give me a fantastic massage – 1 hour $25.

On a big ship like this – 15 decks – where you are on the ship makes a lot of difference in how much motion you feel. Unfortunately sometimes I get moved around. I started off in a cabin right behind the bridge on Deck 14 where you REALLY do feel the motion of the ocean. Then I got moved down under the bridge and the captain’s quarters to Deck 11 where you still felt a lot of motion. Now I’m on Deck 7, outside, right behind the anchor. Actually it is a great crew area, except when the bow thrusters go on when we’re coming into port or when the drop the anchor. So there is a lot less motion, but being far forward I hear the banging more. As I used to tell my clients in the cruise travel business, if you want the smoothest ride possible and the least amount of motion you want to pick a stateroom that’s closest to the center of gravity of the ship, which generally means lower deck, midship, careful not to be up against an elevator shaft or next to “white space” on the deck plan. Most cruise lines don’t show “white space” anymore, but if you see a string of staterooms at one price, and then there are one or two that are cheaper, there is a reason. Every ship has one or two “problem cabins” which they generally don’t sell and instead use for crew/entertainers or keep vacant in case of a problem in another cabin. There is nothing wrong with these cabins except they have some rattle or mechanical ship noise that generates complaints from guests. Ironically most of the premium-priced suites on some ships are on the top decks.

The largest and most “interesting” cabin I ever had was on Holland America’s PRINSENDAM in a crew area known as the “San Andreas Fault”.  The cabin had a full king bed, refrigerator, desk . . . huge . . . and was directly over the props.

OK, I’m off to the Piazza for a roll and coffee. I’m up.

Venice – Still Magical

After all these years Venice is still magical!

My first visit was eons ago as a student. I spent 3 months in Europe, traveling around with my HARVARD STUDENT GUIDE TO EUROPE, living on $4 a day which included food, lodging, museum admissions, TIME magazine and entertainment. I traveled first class on my 3 month Eurailpass which as I recall cost around $400. There was a university dorm in the Centro Storico, the old historic city of Venice, where since their students were on holiday they allowed visiting students to stay for something like $2 a night. So I had this beautiful room on the level just above the canal. I could throw open the windows and watch the canal . . . fantastic! Until 3:30 am when I was rudely awakened by what sounded like jet engines warming up below me. Then the sirens went off. Turned out my room was right above the fire boat station.

Nikki and I went to Venice on our honeymoon. We arrived late at night and the streets were deserted as we lugged our luggage and sought to find a tiny B&B described in the guidebooks as “faded elegance.” It was a huge room with fantastic antique furniture and when we crawled into this beautiful old bed we both rolled to the center.

Two of the most magical things about cruising into Venice have always been the sail in and sail away. Usually I would be up on the bridge giving guests a play-by-play of what they were seeing on this magnificent sail in. The route goes across the lagoon into St. Mark’s Canal and then turns into the Canal della Giudecca which you sail along to the docks. The sail away was definitely the best in the world: out on deck with a glass of champagne and opera music blaring from the speaker system. Heaven!

But no more.

Venice has now outlawed the “noise pollution” of ship PA systems so nothing but emergency – “Abandon ship” – announcements. Same thing on the sail out. Deathly quiet. And starting next year cruise ships will no longer be able to sail in passing St. Mark’s Square but will have to come in the back door with all the container ships. No, it’s not the COSTA CONCORDIA incident as these restrictions had been announced prior to that tragedy; although I’m sure it helped the Venice folks to feel they had made the right decision. A huge Costa ship stretched on its side in front of St. Mark’s would have been a nightmare which could have destroyed parts of this fragile city.

We did get to see a number of the big sailboats in town for the America’s Cup advertising their brands by sailing around the lagoon.

I haven’t been out to the glass-blowing island of Murano in years, and although far more “touristy” than I remember, it still really doesn’t have much more than glass blowing demonstrations, which are interesting the first time around. Vases, little animals – now if Dale Chihuly had a studio here . . . that is glass work I’d really like to see.

I’d never been to the nearby island of Burano and I found it delightful! All the houses are painted different bright colors. The story is that it was a fishing village and at night after a long day of fishing the men would all go to the bars. Stumbling home drunk at night they would often end up in the wrong house and in bed with the wrong woman, so the brightly colored houses helped them find the way home and into the right bed. Interesting story. But today the island is protected so you can’t change the color of your house without getting it approved. It is also a center of lace-making. The real lace costs a near fortune, but there are lots of Made-in-China knock off items available as well.

I can see I am back to cruise ship Internet which, by design, sucks as much time as possible.  You have a better chance of winning in the casino than “winning” using the ship Internet!

 

Live From Croatia

I hope you enjoyed my frank “15 Things Not To Like About Panama” series. I am alive and well on GRAND PRINCESS in Croatia. Yesterday was Split, where I had never been before, and today Dubrovnik, which I’ve enjoyed many times. I always like to try and get a contract where there are a few places that are new to me just to keep things interesting, plus I actually enjoy doing the research about the places we will be visiting.

Sometimes I think I should push my wife to do a blog. She refuses, but some of the emails she sends about life on the farm are hilarious. Apparently Efrain, a very stocky guy we use to trim and cut trees was delivering a load of fence posts and wanted Sabino, my Indigenous farm worker, to paint them with old oil so they don’t rot so quickly in the ground. Sabino is twenty seven and I think tends to kick back a bit when I’m not home to spur him on. [He’s sees the old man working hard and sweating and feels a need to compete.] Anyhow Sabino said he thought it was a good idea but lots of work. Efrain told him he needed the work because he’s getting so fat (which is true). Efrain told Sabino he needs to be older to be fat so he can say he’s earned his fat. Hmm. I like that! Instead of pushing myself to walk and go to the gym I may just conclude that I have “earned my fat.”

I promise that I will start blogging about some of the places I’ve been. This morning I walked along the seafront in Cavtat (“Tsaf-tat”) a tiny resort village up the coast from Dubrovnik that is actually older than Dubrovnik or what the Italians called “Ragusa”. The view is beautiful, there were wildflowers along the way, the waves were lapping against the rocks, and the sun was baking the pine trees and the smell was heavenly. And it was a precious 30 minutes away from the tour bus, away from the guests, and away from the ship. Nothing wrong with the tour buses, the guests, or the ship, but once in a while it is nice to be away from it all.

I’ve been hard at work, both with my lectures and answering questions (frequently the same ones over and over), but also working on revising my CRUISING THE PANAMA CANAL book. Unfortunately the first edition came out with a number of typos and, pressed by time, I failed to proof it as well as a I should have which someone pointed on Amazon. Although they like the content, they gave it a lower rating because of the proofing errors, and theirs is the only review. So I’ve redone it! If you like it and bought it off Amazon or Kindle please write a review. There are actually two new versions but with the same content although the CENTENNIAL EDITION does have added historical material celebrating the 100th Anniversary of the Panama Canal in 2014. Both are available on Amazon. I’m working now on the Kindle version of the revised edition (in theological terms I guess that would be the “revised standard edition”).

What’s Not To Like About Panama: #1

15 Things Not To Like About Panama

If you are looking for paradise you probably won’t find it.

Thanks to the screw up by our first parents, Adam & Eve, you’re not going to find perfection or paradise this side of heaven. Accept it. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. But, as far as we’re concerned, life in Panama is damn close, at least for us.

Folks decided to move to Panama for a lot of reasons. Escape. Adventure. Discovery. Whatever! And for many folks it is an excellent choice, as it has been for us. So there is a whole lot to like . . . make that LOVE! . . . about living in Panama. But, given as nothing is perfect, sometimes folks ask, “Richard, what’s not to like about living in Panama?”

So here is my list of the top 15 things not to like about living in Panama.

1. There Is No Escape

I know that the title of my book is  ESCAPE TO PARADISE: LIVING & RETIRING IN PANAMA. It’s a hot seller on Amazon and Kindle and if you are even thinking about moving to Panama you definitely need to read the book. Read the book, follow my blog and you will avoid a lot of unpleasant surprises. We “escaped” to Panama and we love it! This series, “What’s Not To Like About Panama”, is merely to say that there is no perfect place in the world, because, unfortunately, we aren’t perfect. But Panama comes damn close! And honestly, when I’m off at sea for an extended period, running a series like this is a good way to keep the blog up and running on schedule. But do not fear campers: May 14th I will be back live and blogging about our adventures in Europe on GRAND PRINCESS.

There are folks who think that if they change jobs, change partners, change locations that all of the problems will go away and life will be good. Unfortunately it doesn’t just work that way. Sometimes you need to change you. Don’t get me wrong: I am a big proponent of change. (Me and Barak!) But change just for the sake of change . . . or thinking that moving to Panama is going to make everything right is a big mistake. Por ejemplo: if you have problems in your relationship deal with them before moving to Panama. The stress of a new culture will only make things worse. It seems nary a week goes by but the latest “Coconut Telegraph” gossip is who is breaking up this week.

If you’re going through some midlife, late-life, retirement, “senior citizen” crisis, deal with it. Picking up and moving to Panama and buying a Harley and trying to become a senior-citizen-Hell’s Angeles-want-a-be is not going to solve your crisis!

Now this is directed mainly at my fellow US citizens. Much of the world is dreaming and scheming to get a US Passport. Yes, we all hate the Federal Reserve and the IRS. We, as well as the rest of the world, know that the US has a totally dysfunctional government. We know things are screwed up beyond recognition. We inherited something precious and we are leaving something tainted and tarnished to our grandchildren. As a US citizen Uncle Sam is going to chase you everywhere to claim his pound of flesh. There is no escape from the IRS. Just accept it. It’s a cost of business, the price of citizenship in the US. You’re not going to find a sandy island anywhere where you are off the radar due to the chip in your passport (and within 15 years I predict a chip embedded in your right arm, or better yet, on your shoulder). You going to give up your US passport for Dominica? Good heavens! Or St Kitts & Nevis, with Nevis already looking to break away? Get real. There is no escape.

I tell people I didn’t drop out in the 60s, but now that I am in my 60s I’m dropping out. Panama is as good a place as any to live in exile. And, should you need it, Uncle Sam is here to help you! The IRS has just added 10 agents in Panama, not, mind you to help you with your taxes, but to put your in handcuffs. But it’s helpful to know our spendthrift Uncle is not far away. In the second Carter-Torrijos Panama Canal Treaty the US agreed to protect the neutrality of the Canal in perpetuity and ipso facto the neutrality of Panama. There are times when it’s nice to have a big brother.

Try traveling the world on a passport from Dominica or St Kitts. I travel around the world on a ship with a crew from some 33 different nationalities. You would not believe the confusion folks with other passports endure which you don’t have to put up with if you have a US Passport.

OK, so Panama isn’t perfect and it isn’t for everyone, but it’s worth taking a good, long look at. Panama has been great for us! Hassles, yes, but my only regret is that we weren’t able to make this move sooner.

And for my gay friends: I’m sorry you’ve had to endure 15 posts featuring a heterosexual couple, Adam & Eve.  Problem is, the story is about Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve.  Who knows?  If it had been Adam & Steve the world might be a different place.