Assimilating Panama’s Kinky New Year Traditions

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61703950 - concept of assimilation by painting red apple into green colorOK, so how did it all work out?

By the way, where ever you are, “Happy 2020!  Best wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!

Well things got off kinda with a jolt.  The stretch of the plate lines between Puntarenas, Costa Rica and Colombia has been “adjusting” daily for the past month with 4 to 10 earthquakes a day, most in the 2-3 point Richter scale rating, and most I’ve never felt.  But as the evening was kicking off last night we had a 3.4 quake in Chiriqui which we briefly felt … what that signifies for 2020 I have no idea.

So, how well was I able to assimilate the Panamanian New Year’s Eve traditions.

Well grapes were sold out.  Go figure.  Sometimes things inexplicably sell out, but usually its stuff like chicken or bread.  The stores have difficulty anticipating demand.  So no grapes, no lucky lottery numbers, and besides, I don’t play the lottery anywhere.

What to wear?  Red something or another to guarantee love in 2020, or yellow … underwear! … for good luck.  Well years ago I started wearing black underwear just to avoid having yellow underwear!  I asked Nikki, told her for luck I’d wear hers, but checking her underwear that our dog Stanley hadn’t run off with … no yellow.

But I do have red shirts.  So red it was and I’ll just have to live on love.

Clutching money at midnight to assure you’ll have money in 2020.  Well, I put a dollar bill on my nightstand.  Traditionally I am sound asleep on New Year’s Eve until the invasion of fireworks begins.  Well someone’s watch was off and the fireworks began precisely at 11:01 PM, so I grabbed the bill and clutched it.  When I checked my watch I realized I had another hour to wait.  So back to sleep and when the big Midnight actually happened, the bill was gone.  Turning on the lights I found that Stanley had found the bill and it was almost all chewed up.  Scratch money.

But there is the rice in the pot deal.  So I got out a pot, put it on the counter, and stuck our Tupperware full of rice inside.  Nikki doesn’t think that will work, but it didn’t say the rice in the pot needed to be cooked!   We shall see.

We forgot sage.  Oh well, screwing up on one tradition can’t be all that bad.

Fireworks.  They started at 11:01 PM and the barrage went on nonstop until 1:30 AM so we certainly, like it or not, had lots of fireworks.

And now for the big finale!  No, we didn’t have a muñeco or dummy effigy of our dishonest, Bible-thumping, “wolf in sheep’s clothing” attorney, whom I’ve nick-named “FB” for “Fuckin’ Bastard,” to blow up.  The guy has caused me enough work and money already and isn’t worth the time or effort to make a dummy to blow up at Midnight.  But I did have an old hollier-than-thou CD pushing his brand of “prosperity gospel” which means God wants you to be filthy rich even if it means cheating your clients … quick forgiveness is cheaply available with a few tears.  Anyway, we scrounged around and I found this old CD given to me when he was pretending to be my friend and “Christian brother” … and at Midnight was smashed the CD to smithereens.  And it felt good!  Not that it’s any redress for the value that he’s stolen from me.

We tried to assimilate and we will have to wait and see what 2020 brings.  This morning, the first day of a new decade, all is quiet in our little town as folks sleep off last night’s celebrations.  Even the dogs are quiet!  And to roosters didn’t even crow, but maybe they had all been eaten, who knows.  The sun is out.  The sky is blue. Temperatures are in the mid ’70s.  Nikki has some harp music playing somewhere.  God is in his heaven.  Life is good.

Stanley & Molly Christmas 2018